Self-Efficacy

Self-efficacy - the belief that I have the ability to accomplish a task

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As I sat in my Monday morning counseling session and was asked by my counselor what I wanted to work on for the remainder of the semester, I said I want to focus on my identity (which is a huge theme throughout my blog posts).

As we began to tackle this large topic, he asked me a few questions about what exactly I was looking to work on with regards to my identity. After a few seconds of thought, I asked my counselor, "Do you think I am insecure?"

My counselor sat there and took some time to answer my question. He said yes, but then he said I am not always insecure because I have done many things in my life that a completely insecure person would not do (for example, go to Africa...twice!).

We played with this idea for a while. He asked me how insecurity relates to self-esteem, self-confidence, and all those self-blahblahblah words you can think of.

Finally, my counselor said he thinks I have low self-efficacy. After he told me the definition at the beginning of my post, it clicked! It all made sense.

You see, as I have been going to counseling this semester, meeting with my mentor, and seeking fatherly advice from a professor on campus, this theme of low self-efficacy has sprang up.

I think one of the biggest hindrances to this self-efficacy of mine happened as I was preparing to go to Uganda this past summer. One of the biggest influences in my college career was telling me I wasn't fit to work with street kids; she was giving me little to no guidance and help as I made preparations, formulated a budget, and raised support.

My dream and call is to work with at risk children and youth. To hear and witness my academic advisor tell me I wasn't fit for my calling was devastating.
But it's not just her. There are many people in my life who cause me to question my ability to live out this calling of mine. They question the costs to living a missionary lifestyle, they question where resources and supplies will come from, they question my heart.

But, you know what, I don't know those answers. I don't know when, where, and how my dream of ministering to children in Ethiopia will come to pass.

But what I do know is that the call of God is a wonderful and mysterious thing full of faith in the One who calls and sends.

When we make ourselves available, God can use us. He doesn't look at the outward appearance, but He looks at the heart.

I know that my call will be tested and refined by the fire. As you can see, it already has been.

So, here's to working on self-efficacy!... whatever that looks like. :)

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