"I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship." - Louisa May Alcott
It has been 73 days since I last blogged. Those days were filled with disappointments, challenges, tears, and emotions. I have been coasting through this winter season, this season of depression.
I have never been a fan of winter. Everything dies, and so does a part of me. I never understand what is happening. I can't process through it or even explain it.
This time around, my depression has been sewn together with many transitions. I ended my year of service with AmeriCorps and spent a month applying for and searching for a new job. There were other pit stops along the way, but you get the jist of how cruddy it's been. Now I'm trying to navigate this new job while negotiating official employment with the church I volunteer for.
It has been a challenging time of the year, but I also see the same in others around me. There is something about the build up of snow that makes it difficult to walk through life during winter.
I have had a hard time processing through everything. It's hard to know who I can confide in, who won't judge me, who won't misunderstand me, who will let me have my rough days, who will let me go the whole day without saying a word because maybe it's too hard to speak, who will understand that I just have a lot of crap going on, who will see that I'm stressed and overwhelmed and just ready to give up, who will just let me be, who will come alongside me and know that I don't hate the world and know that I'm just a bit broken.
I recently decided to take ownership of my life from here on out. This means I am going to do what I need to be happy, to be okay, to have control.
So here's what I have been doing:
- I switched out my old multivitamins for a different kind that I took in the past which I had noticed gave me more energy and changed my mood. I also am taking another supplement. It has only been a week or so since I switched this out, but I have been feeling better. I am a firm believer in vitamins!
- I started running again. I have gone for 4 runs since last week. I missed it so much, but I hate running when it's freezing outside and I can't afford a gym membership as of now, so I will try to run as often as I can. Thank God it has been a decent winter.
- I started reading a "read the Bible in a year" plan. So far I have kept up to date. I love it! I spent too long away from reading the Bible daily. I hope I can stick with it all year.
- I want to start blogging more. My goal is to blog at least once a week. I need some sort of outlet since I can't afford therapy, and I don't have enough discipline to journal often.
- I recently met with a friend of mine to discuss my new budget and money plan since my expenses have changed, I'm making more money, and I have to start making payments on my student loans. When I sat down with my friend, he made suggestions to which I had already thought about and considered. So I'm thinking I'm becoming a pro at this whole money/budget thing. That was refreshing.
Now I am asking for accountability. I need some support in these areas. I also just need more friends, people who will hang out with me and accept me as the broken person that I am. Is that you?
Let's be friends!!
I have never been a fan of winter. Everything dies, and so does a part of me. I never understand what is happening. I can't process through it or even explain it.
This time around, my depression has been sewn together with many transitions. I ended my year of service with AmeriCorps and spent a month applying for and searching for a new job. There were other pit stops along the way, but you get the jist of how cruddy it's been. Now I'm trying to navigate this new job while negotiating official employment with the church I volunteer for.
It has been a challenging time of the year, but I also see the same in others around me. There is something about the build up of snow that makes it difficult to walk through life during winter.
I have had a hard time processing through everything. It's hard to know who I can confide in, who won't judge me, who won't misunderstand me, who will let me have my rough days, who will let me go the whole day without saying a word because maybe it's too hard to speak, who will understand that I just have a lot of crap going on, who will see that I'm stressed and overwhelmed and just ready to give up, who will just let me be, who will come alongside me and know that I don't hate the world and know that I'm just a bit broken.
I recently decided to take ownership of my life from here on out. This means I am going to do what I need to be happy, to be okay, to have control.
So here's what I have been doing:
- I switched out my old multivitamins for a different kind that I took in the past which I had noticed gave me more energy and changed my mood. I also am taking another supplement. It has only been a week or so since I switched this out, but I have been feeling better. I am a firm believer in vitamins!
- I started running again. I have gone for 4 runs since last week. I missed it so much, but I hate running when it's freezing outside and I can't afford a gym membership as of now, so I will try to run as often as I can. Thank God it has been a decent winter.
- I started reading a "read the Bible in a year" plan. So far I have kept up to date. I love it! I spent too long away from reading the Bible daily. I hope I can stick with it all year.
- I want to start blogging more. My goal is to blog at least once a week. I need some sort of outlet since I can't afford therapy, and I don't have enough discipline to journal often.
- I recently met with a friend of mine to discuss my new budget and money plan since my expenses have changed, I'm making more money, and I have to start making payments on my student loans. When I sat down with my friend, he made suggestions to which I had already thought about and considered. So I'm thinking I'm becoming a pro at this whole money/budget thing. That was refreshing.
Now I am asking for accountability. I need some support in these areas. I also just need more friends, people who will hang out with me and accept me as the broken person that I am. Is that you?
Let's be friends!!
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