"It hurts when people directly or indirectly tell me I need to lose weight."

That was the text I sent to two of my siblings this morning.

Once again someone had told me what they thought I needed to do to my body. And once again I was completely broken in an instance.

I am completely aware of how many pounds I weigh. I know the list of my imperfections.
I do not need anyone to remind me of those flaws or tell me what I should do in order to fix myself.

But I think what hurts the most is that people who say those things to me do not take a moment to ask about my story or listen to anything I would like to say.

If someone took that moment they would know:
- I do exercise. Maybe I don't everyday, but I do something.
- I love running, but I'm afraid to run in public because I fear that someone will laugh or give me a look that implies I look hideous.
- Same goes for working out at a gym or fitness center.
- I don't have a car so I literally have to walk everywhere.

But the most important thing I would say is that I am so aware of my imperfections to the point that it is a struggle for me to love myself.
So when someone makes a comment or implies something towards the way I look, it attacks every part of me.


BUT I'm going to keep on going. I'm going to continue to figure out how to love myself when it has always been easier to love everyone else.
And I am going to continue to remind myself that there are people in my life who love me for who I have been, who I am right now, and who I will be in the future.

And I will continue to pursue self-confidence, not to bring justice to those who have wronged me (that sounds way harsher than I intended it to sound), but to become a better me.

So I am going to wipe the tears from my face that have been streaming down since 9am, I am going to finish my to-do list for today, and I am going to enjoy a bowl of the delicious homemade vegetable soup I made for lunch.

So, here's to me! :)