Men, Anger, Trials, and Joy
O Lord, here I stand.
I am offering my heart
again. You see me.
Hear, Lord, for I call.
Break me, mend me, make me new.
Renew my spirit.
---
Last week, a really good friend of mine said this to me, "Get close to God. That's what I've been working on. Single or married, I still want God to be number one. I want my joy to be from Him, not others." She said this to me because of this current trial I am in.
It all started a couple of weeks ago when a mentor of mine told me that I am angry at men. At first I had no idea where this was coming from, and my initial thought was that there was no way I was angry at men. But as the day unfolded, I realized that, yes, I am angry at men.
There have been men in my life who have hurt me in many ways, and without knowing it, I brought this hurt and bitterness into basically all relationships with men and women. And, to clarify, I mean relationship as friendships, day-to-day interactions, encounters, etc.
So, after this realization, I felt so incredibly exposed. I felt like this deep-seeded wound had been ripped open. This wound had been buried in a place I did not know existed.
What did I do, you ask? I gave it to God!
I knelt at His feet, surrendered my pain and bitterness to Him. I forgave those men that have hurt me because I was able to see where they were coming from. They were hurt themselves. Hurt people hurt people.
Because of this pain that I have been carrying around for most of my life, I have raised the bar for men. I have set standards for them that they can never meet because of the lies I have been fed. Satan has told me that men will always abandon me, they will pursue everything that is more deserving than me, they will not see my need for affection and care, they will only be in my life in their time of need...
I could go on and on!..
So, now I'm on this journey of trying to figure out what it means for me to be in a healthy relationship with men. In all honesty, it's been rough! I don't have a whole lot of close guy friends, and I don't even know how to approach the ones I do have about this journey I am going through. I have to try really hard not to push all men out of my life now, because I'm afraid of failing if I cross boundaries.
But in all of my frustration and hatred at why I even have to deal with all of this in the midst of finishing up the semester, getting ready for my internship, and doing life, I know that God has a purpose for it all. I know that I need Him, and I can trust Him.
God has trusted me with His plan. He knows I am strong enough to endure this trial. And I know that through my weakness, He is made strong.
He never leaves me, nor forsakes me. He knows the plans He has for me.
I am so thankful that I get to have God as my guide through this journey. He is my Author and Shepherd. He knows me by name. And He knows my heart.
He allows me to be joyful in the midst of it all. He is my joy and my strength.
God's Word says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when ever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4)
This is a trial. I am given the opportunity to praise God through it all, to be joyful that He is working in me.
Satan has no power over me! My God is all-powerful. He is mighty. He is above all.
I am so thankful for His purpose!
"In Me you have everything. In Me you are complete. Your capacity to experience Me is increasing through My removal of debris and clutter from your heart. As your yearning for Me increases, other desires are gradually lessening." - from the book Jesus Calling
I am offering my heart
again. You see me.
Hear, Lord, for I call.
Break me, mend me, make me new.
Renew my spirit.
---
Last week, a really good friend of mine said this to me, "Get close to God. That's what I've been working on. Single or married, I still want God to be number one. I want my joy to be from Him, not others." She said this to me because of this current trial I am in.
It all started a couple of weeks ago when a mentor of mine told me that I am angry at men. At first I had no idea where this was coming from, and my initial thought was that there was no way I was angry at men. But as the day unfolded, I realized that, yes, I am angry at men.
There have been men in my life who have hurt me in many ways, and without knowing it, I brought this hurt and bitterness into basically all relationships with men and women. And, to clarify, I mean relationship as friendships, day-to-day interactions, encounters, etc.
So, after this realization, I felt so incredibly exposed. I felt like this deep-seeded wound had been ripped open. This wound had been buried in a place I did not know existed.
What did I do, you ask? I gave it to God!
I knelt at His feet, surrendered my pain and bitterness to Him. I forgave those men that have hurt me because I was able to see where they were coming from. They were hurt themselves. Hurt people hurt people.
Because of this pain that I have been carrying around for most of my life, I have raised the bar for men. I have set standards for them that they can never meet because of the lies I have been fed. Satan has told me that men will always abandon me, they will pursue everything that is more deserving than me, they will not see my need for affection and care, they will only be in my life in their time of need...
I could go on and on!..
So, now I'm on this journey of trying to figure out what it means for me to be in a healthy relationship with men. In all honesty, it's been rough! I don't have a whole lot of close guy friends, and I don't even know how to approach the ones I do have about this journey I am going through. I have to try really hard not to push all men out of my life now, because I'm afraid of failing if I cross boundaries.
But in all of my frustration and hatred at why I even have to deal with all of this in the midst of finishing up the semester, getting ready for my internship, and doing life, I know that God has a purpose for it all. I know that I need Him, and I can trust Him.
God has trusted me with His plan. He knows I am strong enough to endure this trial. And I know that through my weakness, He is made strong.
He never leaves me, nor forsakes me. He knows the plans He has for me.
I am so thankful that I get to have God as my guide through this journey. He is my Author and Shepherd. He knows me by name. And He knows my heart.
He allows me to be joyful in the midst of it all. He is my joy and my strength.
God's Word says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when ever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4)
This is a trial. I am given the opportunity to praise God through it all, to be joyful that He is working in me.
Satan has no power over me! My God is all-powerful. He is mighty. He is above all.
I am so thankful for His purpose!
Through all of this, I have been clinging to the truth that God is good.
He has been so good to me!
Amen!
---
"In Me you have everything. In Me you are complete. Your capacity to experience Me is increasing through My removal of debris and clutter from your heart. As your yearning for Me increases, other desires are gradually lessening." - from the book Jesus Calling
Comments
Post a Comment