The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
Yesterday I came to the realization that I have less money right now than I have had since I started working in high school. I freaked out. I had to pay four bills yesterday, and I slowly watched my money leave.
This semester has been rough financially. I have had to balance paying rent, giving money for my school bill, having enough for food, and so many other things. I worked two jobs this semester, and they didn't pay enough, so I kept having to take money from my savings.
Long story short, everything is basically gone. I feel like I messed up. I feel so irresponsible, even though I have been pretty careful about not spending money on unnecessary things.
I'm ashamed and scared. I have never felt this financially insecure.
Most of yesterday I freaked out inside. I didn't know what to do. Finally, at the end of the day, I just lost it. I cried in front of my roommate as I told her everything that happened with my money that day. She tried to reassure me that I was okay and that I wasn't a failure.
I hung out with some friends for a while. It helped to clear my mind. I also knew I needed to try to be joyful even though I felt so insecure. When I came back to my apartment and got ready for bed, I decided to read my Jesus Calling devotional for the day. Here is what it said:
"Make me the focal point of your search for security. In your private thoughts, you are still trying to order your world so that it is predictable and feels safe. Not only is this an impossible goal, but it is also counterproductive to spiritual growth. When your private world feels unsteady and you grip My hand for support, you are living in conscious dependence on Me.
Instead of yearning for a problem-free life, rejoice that trouble can highlight your awareness of My Presence. In the darkness of adversity, you are able to see more clearly the radiance of My Face. Accept the value of problems in this life, considering them pure joy. Remember that you have an eternity of trouble-free living awaiting you in heaven."
Isaiah 41:10 says, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
It was just another "Ah ha!" moment for me. The entry in my Jesus Calling book was basically God speaking to me. Do you ever get that, that moment where God speaks to you? Yeah, that's what happened.
After reading this I thought, I want to be in heaven....now! But I know God has it under control.
I was filled with peace.
And then I went to bed.
I'm still hesitant about having to go through another semester similar to this one...financially, that is. But I am choosing to not worry.
Tomorrow I get paid for babysitting. Next week Friday I get paid for my other job. And I will be working most of my break at an old job.
I'll be okay. :)
This semester has been rough financially. I have had to balance paying rent, giving money for my school bill, having enough for food, and so many other things. I worked two jobs this semester, and they didn't pay enough, so I kept having to take money from my savings.
Long story short, everything is basically gone. I feel like I messed up. I feel so irresponsible, even though I have been pretty careful about not spending money on unnecessary things.
I'm ashamed and scared. I have never felt this financially insecure.
Most of yesterday I freaked out inside. I didn't know what to do. Finally, at the end of the day, I just lost it. I cried in front of my roommate as I told her everything that happened with my money that day. She tried to reassure me that I was okay and that I wasn't a failure.
I hung out with some friends for a while. It helped to clear my mind. I also knew I needed to try to be joyful even though I felt so insecure. When I came back to my apartment and got ready for bed, I decided to read my Jesus Calling devotional for the day. Here is what it said:
"Make me the focal point of your search for security. In your private thoughts, you are still trying to order your world so that it is predictable and feels safe. Not only is this an impossible goal, but it is also counterproductive to spiritual growth. When your private world feels unsteady and you grip My hand for support, you are living in conscious dependence on Me.
Instead of yearning for a problem-free life, rejoice that trouble can highlight your awareness of My Presence. In the darkness of adversity, you are able to see more clearly the radiance of My Face. Accept the value of problems in this life, considering them pure joy. Remember that you have an eternity of trouble-free living awaiting you in heaven."
Isaiah 41:10 says, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
It was just another "Ah ha!" moment for me. The entry in my Jesus Calling book was basically God speaking to me. Do you ever get that, that moment where God speaks to you? Yeah, that's what happened.
After reading this I thought, I want to be in heaven....now! But I know God has it under control.
I was filled with peace.
And then I went to bed.
I'm still hesitant about having to go through another semester similar to this one...financially, that is. But I am choosing to not worry.
Tomorrow I get paid for babysitting. Next week Friday I get paid for my other job. And I will be working most of my break at an old job.
I'll be okay. :)
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